Connecting Schools With Great Fundraising Ideas.

Just recently, an old friend of mine forwarded me an email he received from the leader of a non-profit organization he had just joined with his son. My friend knows that I write about non-profits for a living, so he thought this message might be of interest.

It was a request for volunteers.

Here is the text of the email:

Parents,

How many of you would like to volunteer in some capacity. I am searching for some committee members. All you need is some good ideas for meetings. If you are able to help at the meetings just let me know. Remember this is you and your son’s [experience]. Every adult volunteer has something valuable to offer. I am confident you will find the experience to be rewarding and fulfilling.

Thank you,

How would I fix this call for help?

Well, that’s where the Top School Fundraiser “Extreme Volunteer Recruitment Letter Makeover” takes over.

The first thing I always do when I’m dissecting a letter is hit the return key after each sentence.

Then I number the sentences, just like this:

Parents,

1. How many of you would like to volunteer in some capacity.
2. I am searching for some committee members.
3. All you need is some good ideas for meetings.
4. If you are able to help at the meetings just let me know.
5. Remember this is you and your son’s [experience].
6. Every adult volunteer has something valuable to offer.
7. I am confident you will find the experience to be rewarding and fulfilling.

By doing this, I can more clearly get an idea of what the author was trying to do within the flow of the letter.

As you can see above, there really is no introduction to this letter. There is nothing to get the troops excited or to celebrate what your mission is. It jumps right into her need for volunteers. I think this is kind of off-putting. I know that she is a busy person herself, but this is after all a recruitment pitch. A little salesmanship never hurt in this regard.

Secondly, she is asking for “some committee members”. And “All you need are some good ideas for the meetings.” What does this mean? What does she want her readers to do? Maybe returning families to the group would have a clue, but a new parent would be totally in the dark. What happens at the meetings? What kind of ideas? What kind of time commitment will be required as a follow up to my ideas?

All these unanswered questions could potentially scare off any help. That’s just the opposite effect we’re aiming for.

Perhaps the most important part of any recruitment letter is the “call to action”. This is where you tell your readers specifically what you want them to do and how to reach you so they can make their commitment. In the above letter, you’ll see in sentence number 4, she says “If you can help at the meetings, let me know.” God bless her, but that’s not much of a call to action. Right now I can think of twelve excuses not to help.

In sentences 5, 6, and 7, she’s got the right idea, but there’s no fire behind the words. Remember, how you say something is so important when you’re trying to get someone else to do something.

Overall, this letter is a dud on many different levels.

Below, I have offered an example of how it could be fixed. If you read carefully, you’ll notice that I included everything she had in the first draft, but I spiced it up and hopefully made a much more attractive appeal. See what you think:

Dear Parents,
Greetings from [our group]! I want to thank and congratulate all of you on a fantastic first meeting! It was great to see the kids all getting along so well. I can tell this is going to be an exciting and productive year! Thank you for deciding to be a part of [our group]!

As you can tell from our first get-together, we have an ambitious agenda planned for the next ten months. There are many different opportunities for our kids to learn and grow. We definitely have a plan in mind of where we, as a unit, would like to end up, but there are still many action steps that have to happen between then and now.

In order to make these plans and dreams a reality, we’re going to need some help.
Having had kids of my own, I am totally aware of how busy families are. Therefore, we have done our best to make our volunteer needs specific, concrete, and short. We will remember this throughout the year and only ask of your time when absolutely necessary.

Here’s what we need as of right now:

1. Volunteer task #1- Give the date and time span needed. Define the role in a very short sentence. Then in bolded type, state clearly how many volunteers are needed for task #1.

2. Volunteer task #2- same thing as above. Really think through your needs ahead of time, so you have an accurate list.

3. Volunteer task #3- And so on…

As you can see, these are all important components of our overall goal. With a small commitment from everyone, we will easily accomplish what we set out to do. (Insert more specific text regarding your goal. Show parents how their involvement helps your goal be successful in the bigger picture.)

I am looking forward to getting to know all you much better and discovering all of the incredible talents that this group possesses. It never ceases to amaze me how much can get done in a year from just a few small commitments from everybody. In the end, our kids are the big winners when we all come together in this one purpose.

Please get back with me in anyway that is most convenient for you. Below, I have listed all the ways I can be reached. I cant’ wait to hear from you.

Thank you!

I think that this letter makes for a great case study, because of the intentions of the author. As my friend told me, she is a hard working, selfless individual. We need more people just like her. It is understandable that when you lead a non-profit organization with many other responsibilities in life on top of that, letters like this are written and sent out.

My hope with this article is to show that with just a little more tweaking, the effort put forth by people such as this leader will be more effective and yield greater results, which will only help in the end.

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