Restoring Broken Relationships with Donors

It is not uncommon that when you take a new job at a non-profit, you discover that at some point in the past, there was a donor or a group of donors who somehow became alienated from the organization. Perhaps thank you notes weren’t sent out in a timely fashion (or at all), a decision was made by the administration that didn’t sit well with the donors, or a long-standing tradition was discarded. Whatever the cause, you learn that there is a significant donor base that once gave generously to your group but now has nothing to do with you.

There is an old saying in business that it’s always easier to create a repeat customer than to create a new customer. Basically, this means that if someone has already put money into your product, it is easier to get them to do it again, than it is to convince someone to buy from you in the first place.

Therefore, I would argue that you should find out why the donor or donors split away from your group and then determine what you can do to restore the relationship.

The following is a list of steps to take in this healing process.

Determine the Original Problem

Ask a number of people at every level of your organization to tell you their opinion. Everyone, from board member to custodian will have a perspective on what happened. You may get several varying takes on the situation, but by listening and refraining to interject your own views, you should be able to piece together a fairly accurate picture of what caused the rift in the first place. Thoroughly understand the issues involved, so you can get a true feeling for what the donors must have been going through at that time. 

Figure Out Who Was Involved- On Both Sides 

You are not doing this for purposes of gossip- you just want to know if there are people with hard feelings still involved in the daily operations of your organization. If there are, you may need to figure out what this could mean to the estranged donors.

Determine the Scope of the Event 

This may be a little harder to uncover since they are not present, but you need to figure out exactly which donors were hurt and what their specific complaints are- before you ever talk to them in person. You don’t want to be blindsided by an accusation you never saw coming.

Write an Introductory Letter 

Once you have done all of your historical research, you are ready to start tackling the problem head on. I would suggest that you write each one of the estranged benefactors a letter introducing yourself. Give them your personal and professional history and why you fell in love with the organization. Try to subtlety appeal to the their original passion for the group, before everything went wrong. Make the readers of the letter believe that you are now “one of them”.

Set up a Meeting  

A week or two later, follow up each letter with a phone call, asking if you could get together. You can offer to meet at your office, but perhaps the donor would be uncomfortable with that situation. Let him decide where you are going to meet. However, remember that you will potentially be discussing sensitive matters. You don’t want to have such a delicate conversation in a very public place, where people nearby could eavesdrop. Always be aware of this possibility.

Offer an Apology 

If the donor agrees to meet, start by explaining that you have researched what happened and that you wish to apologize that they were hurt in this. You realize that you had nothing to do with the incident, but on behalf of the organization now, you wish to ask for their forgiveness for the way they feel.

Invite Them to Let It All Out 

Quickly follow your apology with an invitation for the person to completely vent their complaints. Don’t interrupt. Don’t ask questions. Just nod, smile, and encourage them to vent. When the person seems like he’s done, ask him if there is anything else he’d like to share. Be in no hurry to end their venting session. After a while, he will grow tired of talking and all that pent up frustration will exhale from him. At this point, healing can begin.

Affirm Their Feelings 

When you are sure that everything is out on the table, apologize again and affirm his feelings. Say something like, “I can totally understand why you felt that way. I would too, if I were in your position.” There’s no purpose trying to defend the actions of your organization. It is important to remember, you are apologizing for the way the actions made the donor feel- not the action itself. You are sorry for how the group’s actions made your donor feel.

Talk About Your Vision Going Forward 

Then talk a little bit about yourself. Give the person the opportunity to get to know you, to see that you are a fresh start. By letting them vent out all that pent up frustration, you have now earned their attention. You can use this chance to make the case for yourself in a philosophical, over-arching, mission-based manner. Tell the donor that as you’ve begun to learn about the community, you’ve started to get a picture of how valuable he was in its growth. Offer your sincerest thanks for all the past support. Talk about how you were drawn to this organization because of what it stands for and now you know that this person has had a lot to do with getting to this point.

Discuss Solutions 

If the situation is applicable, you can tell the estranged donor what you are doing to rectify this problem. If the problem is a lack of appreciation, for instance, you can talk about the kinds of recognition efforts you’ve made in the past and what your plan is going forward. If the problem involves the decision of a past administration and you can reverse it without causing too much harm to the organization, talk about how you’re willing to do that. Skip this step, however, if you really can’t solve the person’s problem. Don’t ever promise anything that you are not able to deliver.

Extend Your Hand in a New Friendship 

Finally, ask the donor if it’s possible that you can repair the relationship. The chances are, if they decided to actually meet with you, you have a good chance. I wouldn’t ask for any donations at that first meeting, but I would ask if I could contact them again to ask for advice and guidance. (And then, do this!) A positive response to this query will open a door of dialogue that can lead you toward a new era of donations.

Treat All Donors Equally 

If it was a group of donors that was offended, schedule individual appointments with each person in the group. Treat each conversation as if you were hearing about the problem for the first time. Don’t repeat what anyone else told you and keep your message consistent. Only speak in vague generalities, such as “I know that feelings were hurt on many levels” and “My goal is to restore trust.” You know that they are going to eventually talk amongst themselves, so don’t give them any reason to dismiss your overtures.

Dealing With a Hard-Liner 

If you do encounter a person who has no desire to mend fences, but met with you just to berate you further, remember to be polite, thankful for his time, still apologize for past hurts, and excuse yourself. It is likely that someone like this will tell everyone he knows about your conversation, so make sure you don’t give him any ammunition to use against you.

Conclusion 

One of your main goals as a leader is to unite your community. This means eliminating tensions that exist within it. Don’t let past arguments stand in your way of facing the future. Through understanding, sincerity, patience, kindness, and forgiveness, it is possible to re-connect with donors who have pulled away.

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