I was reading an article in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune this morning about the dire straits that private schools are finding themselves in during this economic downturn. Parents are struggling to find ways to afford expensive tuition rates, and schools are seeing many families depart for the free option- public school.

As a former private school principal, I used to grapple with these same worries. So, I remember that over the summer one year, I sat down and brainstormed all the ways I could think of to keep our current students and even attract more.

As I mentioned at the top, not all of my ideas have been well-received.

So, I was thinking…

In our town, there are two public elementary schools that have approximately 500 students each. A HUGE number of these kids are driven to school and then picked up in the afternoon by parents. That means the line of cars before and after school stretches for blocks. There is much wailing and gnashing of teeth in this town over the problem. I’ve heard parents say that they regularly wait 30 to 40 minutes just to pick up or drop off their child.

On the other hand, my little private school had a wait of approximately zero minutes. Parents really didn’t even have to stop- they could just slow down and the kids could jump out. Well, that’s an exaggeration, but you get the point. Pick up and drop off at my school was a breeze.

Hey! I thought, I could tell parents that there was no waiting and no lines over at our private school. I further thought, what if we assigned a dollar amount to people’s time. For argument sake, let’s say you decide your time is worth $10 per hour. Let’s also say you wait exactly one hour each day in the pick up/drop off line. In one week, that equals five hours, or $50! Our school year lasts 180 days, which comes to a grand total of $1,800! Can you believe that? Now, our tuition at the private school was $3,300 per year. If you take away the $1,800, your “bill” comes down to only $1,500! That’s over 50%! Now, you’re not really saving “real” money in my dreamed-up scenario, just time and frustration, but the quality of life is important, too!

Then I thought, I could ask the people who lived on the streets where the cars backed up, if I could stick some yard signs in their lawns saying something like, “If your kids went to — School, you’d already be at Starbucks” or something like that.

I thought it was brilliant. Unfortunately, nobody else did, and my dream of the perfect marketing slogan was crushed…  If anybody else out there appreciates my untapped genius, please feel free to run with this awesome plan!

Photo by: The Pug Father

9. You cut out the box top label on the cereal box BEFORE your kids can get the toy.

8. You had to purchase a stand-alone freezer, just to store all the cookie dough you’ve bought.

7. You’ve memorized the “Cash for Class” codes for all of your children’s schools at every grocery store in town.

6. Your family has to play “Guess What Kind of Soup We’re Having Tonight” because you’ve prematurely removed all the soup labels and turned them in.

5. You volunteer to take a shift at the bake sale for the school in the NEXT TOWN OVER.

4. Other parents at school see you coming with your clipboard in hand and quickly head the other direction.

3. You place bid sheets in front of your children’s Christmas presents.

2. You have the state raffle license office’s phone number on your cell’s speed dial.

1. TopSchoolFundraisers.com is set as your browser’s homepage!